love hurts

Love

.....i feel like writing about love, so i shall.
Love, is a hard think to figure out, and i wont be able to talk about it all, but I'll start with love between two people. Sometimes it is hard to find someone to love you the same way you love them, and it's a gurney we all have to go through. I think the hardest part for me would be, people who like me. Some people generally believe there in love with the person there dating. But this may not always be the case.I will give you a hint, if this person you believe you love is your first long term relationship then chances are you do not love them. This would be called lust, and sometimes you don't love the person, but love the idea of being with them. Yes, it is hard to distinguish between the two at times, but once your in love you will know. Once you care about this person so much that you would do anything it takes to make them happy, including letting them be with somebody else no matter how much it hurts you, and once you know you want to spend the rest of your life with this person no matter what they look like, or if they become sick, this is when you love someone.
In saying this i would also like to add that many people use the word love to lightly. People use the word without thinking about its meaning before using it. I am not one of those people. i cannot say the word love unless i am completely sure i love the person. Now when i say this I'm not counting the times i may have said it while being drunk. When I'm drunk i love everybody so that doesn't count. But if you are my friend or family member and, i say i love you, i do mean it. Just in a different way. To my friends i do love, and care about enough that i wouldn't want anything to happen to them. Thus, i love them as friend.

Now that school is over i have some free time.
The problem is, throughout the year i though, and started projects which i planed on finishing this summer. Now since summer is here i dont know where to start. I dont know if ill even have time to finish it all, but i will try. and i hope a finish everything :)

As everyone knows, the other day was fathers day. I was informed by my mother that my step dad (Ken) did not receive a gift from me. She wondered if i had bought him one, my brother did.
I have been living in the same house with this man for about four years now. And yes, the other years i managed to give him a present. But this year i thought about what fathers day really means to me, and decided not to give Ken a present. Fathers day is a day to thank your father for all that hes done for you. Fathers day is also a day for those who lost there father to remember all there wonderful memories of there father. Ken is not my father. Sure his title "step father" has the word father within it, but to me he is not related, and does not act like a father. Yes of coarse if i felt he did lots for me and acted like a father figure in my life then he would have received a present. I do not feel this way about ken. He is more of a dictator than a father, and this is why i do not care for him. So i will never tell my family why Ken will not receive a present for me this year, or any other year, but he still will not be given a present.

Today is fathers day.
Every fathers day i remember my father, and how he was never there for me.
i remember all the times he promised he would be there for me and never was. i remember my birthdays that he missed and for got to call.
But i also remember the times we did spend together. Making snow men, sleep overs at his house, him reading to us. times i wish i could have shared with him but could not.
Today is the day i think about all the importent events in my life which my father will miss. Graduation, getting married, my first childs birth, and so on. I guess you could say out of all the different things my family celabrates, fathers day is the one which hurts me the most. all because my father chose not to be appart of my life.
So, since i cannot say this to my fathers face, i will say it here. Happy fathers day dad, i love you anyway.

Capricorn

time: December 22 to January 20
opposite sign: Cancer
colours: brown, black, gray
Symbol: Goat
Element: Earth

Good traits: practival,prudent, ambitious, disiplined, patient, carefree, humorous, reserved

bad traits: pessimistic, fatalistic, miserly, grudging

Likes: hot, simple food, antigues, history, duities, responsibilites, not being presured by others, having plenty of unconditional love, lots of personal privacy

Dislikes: disorder of all kinds, being teased, surprises, new ideas, loneliness, being made to feel useless or incompetent, being embarrassed in public

In memory of you

I was sad to see you go, but i knew it was needed. There was no life for you here, you could do anything except sit around. you were blind, diabetic, had only one leg, your foot only had a few toes left on it, and you were in a wheel chair. Doctors were angry at your decision, but they had no idea what you were put through. I respect your decision, and they should have to. Your life was over, i guess there just wasn't anything left here for you. I know your in a better place now. Well you damn well should be! because you deserved to be treated well, you were a wonderful person, so i hope you moved on to a life much greater then you had. I just want you to know that i loved you, and still do. You were an amazing person, and i couldn't have asked for a better uncle.

Loser Face

fuck you. i don't consider you part of my family. your just i stupid little selfish man who happens to live in the same house that i do. Just because my mom married you doesn't mean i have to like you or respect you. How can i respect a lazy, alcoholic who makes everyone around him
ca tor to his every need. "Jessica, get the wine", "Jessica, poor me a glass", "Jessica, take out the garbage." and so on. well guess what! take out the garbage yourself, its your shit to, poor your own dame glass of wine, last time i checked you had 2 legs and 2 arms, so get off your lazy ass and use them, maybe you will lose some wait and not be so fat if you learned how to do things for yourself. Don't tell me I'm lazy and spoilt when I'm not the won hogging the TV. i hate how your always right!....well, i mean i hate how you always think your right and if your not you will fucken lie till the end, to make it all seem legit. you ling little fuck, stop trying to play god cause your closer to being the devil then then an angle. You think you won the fight, but sometimes what you win isn't as important as what you lost, and you lost me.

Why bother trying when you'll never be pleased

not so happy? well don't take it out on my. Don't tell me i don't do anything to help around the house. Don't call me a lire when your the one who is ling. I love how you think you know me and have figured me out, when i just found out you know nothing about me. be honest you think I'm a selfish bitch. You think everything i do, i do it to make you angry. well guess what, in the 4 years Ive lived with you i think its sad you don't know me at all. Honestly i don't care enough about you to waist my time thinking about how i can make your life miserable. You think i walked out after you yelled at me because i was to fucking lazy to do the dishes. well shit that would have been allot easier then packing up my stuff, getting dressed and walking down the street calling all my friends to see if i could stay over for awhile. and why would i do this? not because I'm lazy, but because i didn't feel like i was wonted, in fact whenever your home i never feel like I'm wanted. i get home and hang out in the living room. but then when i hear the garage door open i freak out; this is the stuff i would never tell you, why? because i don't want to be the one who breaks up our family; so i hear you coming in the house and i quickly run up stairs, and hope that you didn't see me and wont talk to me. why? because you never have something good to say. "Jessica clean up your mess", well guess what ken my mess is cleaned up, but for some reason there is 4 people living in the house and I'm the only one whose mess it could be. I don't do the dishes or take out the garbage or the recycling, i don't empty the dishwasher or even load it back up. i don't know how to vacuum. the cat and the fish must be dead because i don't feed them.....oh wait i do all those things but yet I'm being told i don't. well fuck you! do you even know how to do any of that shit? cause you never do it. ya I'm a women and i should be in the kitchen, but i will not keep poring your drinks and doing your shit and have you blame it on me. Whose pop bottles are sitting on the counter? whose alcohol isn't put away, who drinks every night and wont admit hes a drunk?...well i can tell you one thing, its not me. you know what, its probably you, because i don't think I've ever seen you drink something without alcohol in it. So i guess what I'm saying is, i give up trying to please you and make you happy. because i will never live up to your very high expectations. I'm not your daughter and never will be. just because your real daughter would do everything from taking the garbage out to balancing your check book, doesn't mean I'm going to.you Don't make me feel welcome in my own house and i don't give a shit about you, in fact your a bitch!

I'm on a Bus

Heather and I thought it would be cool to turn the song im on a boat into im on a bus :P so here it is.

Aww shit, get your tickets ready
it's about to go down
Everybody in the place hit the fucking seats
But stay on your motherfucking toes
We running this, let's go

I'm on a bus
I'm on a bus
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm riding on a bus
I'm on a bus
I'm on a bus
Take a good hard look at the motherfucking bus

I'm on a bus motherfucker take a look at me
Straight gliding on a bus on the big wide road
Bussing to the stops, people asking me for dope
You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a bus

Take a picture, trick I'm on a bus, bitch
We drinking vanilla coke,Cause it's so crisp
I got my sunglasses
And a seat cushion
I'm flipping birds, you at McD’s Straight flipping burgers

I'm riding on your bitch, doing flips and shit
The bitch is bleeding, getting everybody all red
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I'm on a bus, motherfucker, don't you ever forget

I'm on a bus and
It's going fast and
I’m sitting here looking out the windows
I'm the king of the world
On a bus like greyhound
If you're on the road,
then you're sure not me-oh

Get the fuck up, this bus is REAL!!!

Fuck water, I'm on a bus, motherfucker
Fuck buoys, I climb trees, motherfucker
I'm on the road with my boys, motherfucker
This bus engine make noise, motherfucker

Hey ma, if you could see me now
Arms spread wide on the back of the bus
Gonna fly this bus to the moon some how
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible

Yeah, never thought I'd be on a bus
It's a big long windy road
Hercules
Look at me, oh (all hands on bus)
Never thought I'd see the day
When a big bus coming my way
Believe me when I say
I fucked your mother

I'm on a bus
I'm on a bus
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm riding on a bus
I'm on a bus
I'm on a bus
Take a good hard look at the mothafuckin' bus (sha-sha-shorty, shorty, yeah)

You know your moms awesome when she takes a balloon filed with helium, sucks it in and starts talking with the affects of the helium making her voice really high pitch.
This is what I do with my mom. XD

talking to my brother

Ty: want to play Xbox?

Jess: i know who you can play with.

Ty: who?

Jess: your twin.

Ty: do i get to meet him?

Jess: ya, just look in the mirror.